I think I am morally bankrupt
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
