There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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