I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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