Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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