I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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