you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
