My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
