Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
