I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
