Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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