Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
