So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
