ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
