worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
