Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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