Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You took a bar mat shot.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
