am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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