I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
