Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
