someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
