Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
