we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
