Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
