I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
