At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
