I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
