I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
