Well apparently he's into motor boating.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
