ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
