you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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