Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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