First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
