I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sorry about my life...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
