i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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