um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
