And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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