Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
