would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
