Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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