Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
