i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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