how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
