one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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