Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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