dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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