I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
