so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
