i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
