My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
