Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
