I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
